Happy Easter

I woke up a little disoriented this morning. Sometime in the middle of night my back started giving me grief so I moved out to the couch. Patrick followed me a short time later. I woke up at 8 am confused as to how we got there, because I clearly remembered falling asleep in our bed...

My best guess is that I was having another one of my "realistic" dreams--the kind where nothing really strange or unusual happens, but it feels like it's actually happening--so it takes me a while to figure out whether I'm actually awake or not. Today I woke up convinced that our church didn't start until 11 am, so I went back to sleep for a few more hours. Yeah, it starts at 9 am...has for a couple months now! At least we didn't miss everything. We still went to the last hour and enjoyed all the musical numbers people had prepared for the holiday.

We then spent the rest of the afternoon and evening visiting both of our families, watching kids go on Egg Hunts and just chatting. It was lovely. After a week that's been fairly stress-filled, I know it was a balm to my soul to take the time to reconnect with those I love and not worry about worldly stuff--even if it's just for one day.

Easter is supposed to herald a renewal of our hope and faith, and I really felt that this year. It came at the perfect time to remind me what's most important...and I'm grateful for it. So, I hope you all had a happy, peaceful Easter weekend, too!

An Original Song

This afternoon we got to spend some one-on-one time with my nieces, Meagan and Madilynn while their mom went to a movie. As we were driving to our house, Meagan was serenading us with a medley of Disney tunes until she stopped for a minute. I thought maybe she was getting drowsy, but then she burst out into song again--this time with an original composition:

"Oh, oh, oh! When I was a baby I came out of my mommy's tummy!
Oh, oh, oh! And then I said, 'Hello!'
She smiled at meeee....
And said I was so beautifulllll....
And we love each other very much!"
(Short Pause)
"The End!"

So cute...I got a little teary. I hope my little girl makes up sweet songs like that one day. :-)

Naughty People

1) Me--for not blogging two days in a row. I have no excuse other than fatigue--both mental and physical. Just so you know, we have been able to resolve the whole identity theft issue with the bank. Things are still going to be a little extra tight for us until next paycheck...But I'm trying to focus more on the unexpected blessing rather than the anxiety that this whole experience brought. (During the myriad phone calls, we discovered that we were able to consolidate our bank loans and lower our monthly expenses by $54. Not too shabby, says I! It'll be official when we go in to sign some papers tomorrow. Yay!)

Also, I've been busy sewing up bedding for little miss' room when she arrives. I finished her crib's dust ruffle, and am halfway done with her matching bumper pads...I still really want to make a light quilt or blanket for the spring/summer. I'm thinking of doing the "1600 Jelly Roll" quilt--but that would require a jelly roll--Hmm. Oh well, I'll put it on my "someday when we have a little extra money" list of projects. :-)

2) My Coworkers--today one of the receptionists (who is also pregnant) offered me a popsicle from her stash. Our air conditioning up in the front of the building hasn't been working properly for nearly a month. It seems to be stuck between 78-82 degrees Fahrenheit. All. The. Time. I have noticed that my temperature runs higher anyway when I'm pregnant, so I've been dying during my long shifts and can't wait to come home and take a cool shower...Anyway, I just want you to understand why the popsicle was such an awesome gesture on her part. And it wasn't just any popsicle. It was a Big Stick.

But it turns out you can't eat a Big Stick in a health care facility when you're seven months along without everyone making naughty comments...I almost had to lock myself in the bathroom because people kept making me laugh. My favorite was the nurse who starting quoting Patch Adams saying, "Let's go check out the maternity ward, because you know those girls put out!"

3) Patrick--the other day he started to attach the knobs to our kitchen drawers (after about a year of waiting for who knows what). I don't know about you, but if I knew I was going to drill a hole into a drawer filled with eating and cooking utensils, I would empty out the drawer first. Patrick is not like me in this respect.

He pushed stuff to the back of the drawer so he'd have more working room and kept on going. When I saw what he was doing I was both excited and anxious--I really want to have drawer pulls, but I had just spent a lot of time getting the upstairs deep cleaned and put together the day before--so I asked him to be sure to vacuum up the little sawdust piles he was leaving in the bottom of the drawers. (At this point I am going to assume that he was so in the zone that he wasn't thinking...because it's the only way I can stop myself from planning to cause him some kind of elaborate physical harm.) He just nodded and then blew on the pile of sawdust, scattering it all over the clean previously clean cutlery.

I believe my next words were, "Are you kidding me?! We eat with those!" He then made some unwise comment about how a little speck of wood wouldn't kill you if you ingested it, and I got riled up and started to accuse him of calling me a bad cook. (Apparently he thinks my meals are so tasteless, it wouldn't matter if sawdust was mixed in, because he wouldn't be able to tell the difference!) Needless to say, the rest of the interaction did not go well. I can't remember everything I said, but I'm sure it's not something to be proud of. Still, I dare anyone to tell me that I was unprovoked...

(Disclaimer: I love my husband very much and I think the world of him. But there are times when I don't understand him. And those are the times I try not to kill him...even when the urge to poison his food with sawdust is very strong...)

Somebody stop the ride! I wanna get off!

It’s been a crazy couple of days for us. Something of an emotional rollercoaster…so I apologize that I’ve been absent, but I didn’t really have it in me to blog.

Sunday was tough for me. I had to work a long shift when I really could have used the spiritual uplift from being with family and going to church. I feel like I’m coming more to terms with what kind of changes we’ll be making in the near future as we revamp our budget—mostly I’ll be sacrificing some more of my time and convenience—but I know it’ll be worth it. (Plus, it’s good practice for when the baby arrives and by all accounts I will no longer ever have time of my own again, right?)

I was doing my best not to be depressed or cranky, but my very last patient of the day kind of rubbed me the wrong way—and I think I pulled a muscle trying to get her into the proper position for her x-ray. (She seriously just laid there like a dead weight and waited for me to try and heft her around. I hate it when they do that; especially when I’ve got a more limited range of motion at the moment.) So I was not at my best when I finally got home and I opted to try and un-kink my back instead of blogging. It didn’t work. We ended up sleeping on the couch—me for the support and Patrick because he didn’t like being in the bed alone.  

Monday was mostly great. I felt like I was riding an emotional high as I used my day off to get a bunch of deep cleaning done. I totally de-cluttered the front room and kitchen. Plus I moved and vacuumed underneath all the furniture and wiped out all the kitchen cabinets, etc. I felt unstoppable. I even remembered to take out the meat to thaw in the morning for dinner that night. (Of course, I also remembered that I didn’t have one of the ingredients we needed. But no biggie! We had some spare change on hand in the form of a gift card from family, and I planned on having Patrick run me to the store when he got back so that we could eat before 9 or 10 pm for once.)

We were at said store, still feeling pretty happy with our day, and Patrick was looking at our bank account on his phone (trying to plan out bills for payday this week) when he asked me when/why I had purchased a gift card for $57. I asked him what he was smoking—we’re using couch change and gift cards to buy groceries, why on earth would I spend money we don’t have on a random gift card for someone else?

So we both stopped and started looking through the pending charges in our checking account. There were a lot of them. And none that we recognized…It finally dawned on us that we had been robbed. Somehow, someone hacked our card information and starting Sunday night, purchased about $800 worth of crap online (that turned into just over $1,000 with all the overdraft fees they incurred) under our name.

We rushed to the bank and got there just before closing, but even though the teller and manager were very helpful, there’s nothing we can do until the charges actually clear. We cancelled our cards, and once the pending charges clear, we’ll go in to sign forgery affidavits that will dispute the false charges and refund the overdraft fees. And we will definitely be getting new banking info… But the upshot is, we’re hosed. Some free-loading scumbag cheat just stole our entire paycheck and is holding it hostage. We aren’t going to get any of that money back for another 15-20 days while we wait for all the paperwork to be processed.

I kept it together as best as I could while we were in public, but I totally lost it when we got home. We were already late on bills and now we’re going to be even later…we’re trying to call and get extensions on our scheduled payments, etc. but I feel like our prospects are very bleak right now.

My stiff upper lip is trembling and I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop…because experience has taught me that all bad things come in threes. I just can’t take any more surprises right now. 

**UPDATE**

It is now midday on Tuesday, and I feel like I've been on the phone for forever. Because we were so proactive about talking to the people at the bank, they've already started to work on things from their end--namely cutting off access to our accounts. (FYI, did you know that if you are proactive about stopping your cards and putting a hold on your pin number, that you can no longer access your account information online or on the automated phone system to see if certain transactions have cleared? Because I didn't. Those poor people at the bank must think I'm neurotic with how often I've been checking in with them. I must have gotten under their skin because the last time I called, one of the managers gave me back limited access with my pin so that I can monitor my account on my own now.)

But now I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, because I just pulled up our account online to verify some stuff before I start calling our creditors,etc. and the transactions were gone. Poof. Disappeared. Like they never even happened...My brain was stuck thinking, "What the what??" Everyone at the bank assured me that they wouldn't be able to do anything until all the pending transactions cleared, and now the only things I see pending or cleared are stuff that I clearly know we're responsible for... I feel like I'm in one of those freaky science fiction shows. "I swear officer! I saw a little green man standing right there just a second ago!" I remember seeing at least six pending transactions from different websites when we looked last night. And now they are no where to be found. 

I don't know whether to be grateful or not yet. On one hand, I am terribly afraid that I am somehow misreading the information and just not seeing the obvious. On the other, I really, really, really want to believe that this was all some kind of epic clerical error that has already been resolved and not some kind of identity theft situation. Please, keep your fingers crossed and pray hard for us that it's the latter. In the meantime, I'm going to call the bank. Again.        

A Wonderful Surprise!

I apologize for my failure to blog last night. It was a long day at work and when I got home I totally forgot all about it because this was the sight that greeted my eyes as I opened the door:

(Okay well, maybe not the exact sight because it was surrounded by people and the couch and so on, but I was so excited and in-the-moment that I didn't think to take a picture. So I found one instead. )

Isn't it beautiful?! 

It's my birthday present from Scott and Ana--my dear, sweet brother and sister-in-law--and I was totally floored. I spent the better part of the next five minutes just standing and staring and repeating "Oh my gosh, you guys!" over and over like a broken record. Then I came to and started to mess around with all the buttons and levers, making sure I knew how to fold it up and hook things together...I was like a kid obsessed with a new toy on Christmas morning. 

They were able to stay and watch a movie with us, so we all just hung out for the rest of the evening. (I didn't really pay attention to the movie because I was too busy admiring my new stroller and wondering if it would be weird if I tried to use the cat as a practice dummy...probably...but I still haven't ruled it out as a possibility.)

I also forgot to blog because I was so busy receiving an inundation of phone calls and text messages from all you wonderful people that I'm lucky enough to call my friends and family. I felt bad that my last post sounded so dire/cryptic and worried you all. I tried to be as down to earth and practical as I could without causing you any alarm--we aren't going bankrupt or anything, just trying our best to readjust to new circumstances--but I felt so blessed to be the recipient of so much love and concern. I can't thank you all enough...It's amazing how a few kind words and thoughtful gestures from others have the power to boost your self-worth and confidence. Thanks. 

In other news, today Patrick rewired our cable so that we actually have basic TV now. He did a beautiful job both in hooking things up and cleaning up after himself. I don't know which one I'm more thrilled about! (In my head, I kept picturing him as if he were in one of his video games...like, if every home improvement project he completed were "experience points" and he'd get bonuses or 1-Ups for completely them in a timely manner...Hmm. I think I may have stumbled onto an interesting motivational tool...I'll have to think on how to implement it some more.) 

I slept in until about 11 am--which is kind of a miracle at this point! I cannot seem to find a sleeping position that stays comfortable for more than a half hour at a time...I must have worn myself out from all my tossing and turning earlier in the week. I also tried to get myself back into my Meal Planning groove (we'll see how that goes for me this week), cleaned the bathroom, and folded a batch of laundry. That's as close to "on fire" as I've been for a while now. The house is still pretty cluttered. But it's clean clutter that's just waiting for a new home as we work on the nursery.

We also got to hang out with Scott, Ana, and Trevor (a long-time friend of both Patch's and Scott's) tonight. They were kind enough to bring over ingredients for a meal and I helped Ana learn how to make it. I'm very flattered that she thinks I'm a good cook and asks me to show her different recipes. I really enjoy it--not just because it swells my ego--but because I really enjoy having someone in the kitchen with me. I like sharing the tasks like chopping vegetables as we chat or something; which is one thing that Patrick adamantly does not like to do. Pretty much anything that keeps him in the kitchen longer than it takes to raid the fridge or dish up seems to be filed under "drudgery" in his mental index. Oh well, I've got eternity to change his mind, right?

Thank you all again, for your kind thoughts and wishes. Please know that you're in ours as well! Until tomorrow--good night!

Who says you can't learn from TV?

This afternoon I got a rather distressing text message from my husband regarding our finances. I'm not going to go into detail because I feel it's a personal matter that shouldn't be aired in a public forum. Nonetheless, it did happen and is part of my life and will affect how I'll survive this day and many days to come, so I do feel that I need to share certain aspects of this "chapter" in our story. It helps me cope and process things to write them down. 

 My first instinct was to break down and cry and wail about how unkind fate/the world/etc. is. However, I was at work and couldn't throw the tantrum I wanted without scaring a lot of people and then having to explain why I was upset. Neither of those outcomes was appealing--so I stepped into the exam room and swore non-stop under my breath for about thirty seconds to relieve my feelings--and as I stepped out I had a memory of a scene from a TV show pop into my mind.

I have recently been watching "Call the Midwife," a new PBS series that's kind of in the same vein as "Downton Abbey" but not...if that makes any sense. It follows the real life story of a young nurse/midwife as she starts practicing in the East End of London in the 1950s. It does a fantastic job of portraying the poverty and squalor people were trying to get out from under after WWII--but more inspiring than that--it depicts the "make it work" attitude of the people who lived there. People who were full of hope, love, and a practical sort of optimism--the kind that focuses on finding the good in a situation rather than escaping into dreams or fantasies of "one day."

One of the episodes tells the story of a young mother who gave birth to preterm triplets in the middle of the night. She was alone--her boyfriend was a sailor and was out at sea--she lived in a tiny, dank apartment without water, heat, clean linen, or electricity. And she had no idea she was carrying triplets. As I watched these two women, the midwife and the mother, try to cope with the challenging circumstances and find the best solutions they could, I was completely awed. I can't say how I would cope under the same circumstances, but I highly doubt it would be with such aplomb or grace.

This was the scene that came to mind as I began to feel overwhelmed by trying to face the new reality our financial situation. Here we are, in a predicament that I, for one, do not feel prepared for. In many ways I feel alone. We make too much to qualify for assistance, and too little to meet all of our obligations. We also know we are not the only ones struggling economically and don't feel it's right to beg/borrow from our friends or family. We're between the proverbial rock and hard place; and it's time to make a big choice about which thing is gonna give...I feel out of my depth. I don't know where to begin, or what questions to ask, and I'm afraid of making a mistake that could just make everything worse...but it's a risk I'm going to have to take.

I want to find my "Inner Brit" with the stiff upper lip and unflappable composure. I am going to do the best I can with the resources I do have. I will not let my fear of the unknown future paralyze me into inaction. I will remember Churchill's words "If you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half," when I am tempted to bury my head in the sand and wish our problems away. Somehow, we'll make it through this. And once we're on the other side, I'm pretty sure we'll be amazed by how capable we really are; and we'll use the experience to teach our children.

Now, all we have to do is make it to that other side...

It's a good thing my head is attached...

Today was super slow for me. I think I did maybe three exams all day long. And--apparently--I had very bad case of "pregnancy brain" this morning, because I forgot some very important parts of my "work survival pack" that usually gets me through days like this one.

For example, I packed my kindle--but left my headphones so I couldn't listen to music or watch a show--I tried reading a book but kept falling asleep at my desk; I took my knitting bag that was packed with yarn--but left my needles at home on my nightstand; I packed some snacks and a water bottle--that I left on the kitchen counter. All in all, without my usual distractions, it was a freakishly long day.

At one point I couldn't fight to keep my eyes open anymore so I went and laid down on the exam table in the x-ray room and took a fifteen minute nap. I set a timer on my phone--just to be on the safe side--but I didn't really need it because I couldn't have lain on that table any longer. I'm having a hard time sleeping on my own nice bed with lots of pillows and blankets; there's no way my lower back would have survived on that cold, hard board.

In the end I just tried to keep myself entertained by surfing the web--which is harder than it sounds when half the sites you'd like to go to are blocked by your office's security system. It's designed to keep you off social media so you can focus on work; which is a great thing--when you actually have work to do--otherwise it's a nightmare.

I finally decided to try to start assembling our baby registry list, but I quickly became overwhelmed by the thought of all the stuff that caring for a newborn entails...I think I need another parent to look over what I have listed so far and help me figure out which parts are actually "essential." In the end I gave up after about a half hour before I sent myself into hysterics with worry.

I think what I'll take away from this experience is the necessity of packing for work the night before I go. Maybe that will prevent me from leaving crucial objects behind....Maybe.