Me: Hello?
Patch: Hi Sweetie, how's it going?
Fine. It's been pretty mellow. What's up?
I got a call from the bank this morning. There's something going on with one of the transactions and they need to talk to the account holder.
Well, your name's on the account. So did you talk to them? Is everything ok?
....Uh, no...I was calling to see if you could do it since I'm at work and all.
(Pause)
So you called me at my work?...You just don't want to talk to them, do you, you pansy?
Well, you said your work was really slow. So you probably have more time than I do. Can you just call them please?
You do realize if you'd stayed on the line with them it would probably be worked out by now, rather than taking the time to call me?
(Pause)
Fine. I'll call them. Did they give you a name or number that I need to contact?
You can just call the number on the back of the card, that'll get you to someone--and they can probably look it up.
Did they say what they're looking for? Which transaction got flagged or anything?
Uh no, I told them you could call them later today and they said they'd discuss it with you then.
(Sigh) Fine. Well I'll see you when I get home tonight. See you.
See you. I love you, sweetie.
Yeah, you'd better, pansy. Love you too. Bye.
A couple of minutes and some funky "hold please" music later I was transferred to a card services supervisor named Roger. Now I don't know if it was something I ate, or if I was in a really weird mood--because I'm generally not like this on the phone: (Especially a business call.)
Roger: Hello, Mrs. States? My name is Roger.
Me: Hey, Roger. I'm Caite.
What can I help you with today, ma'am?
Well, Roger, my husband called earlier and said there was something funny going on with one of the transactions in our account and that I needed to call you. He didn't give me a lot to go on, so I was hoping you could tell me.
Certainly, ma'am. (Typing noises) Uh, it looks like there was some suspicious activity on your card last night. Are you aware of...it looks like nine...consecutive charges to amazon.com of a dollar each?
Ohhh...yeah. That's not suspicious, that's just me being stupid.
(Surprised pause from Roger.)
Have you heard of a show called "Castle" Roger?
(Silence on the other end.)
Well, it's really good. I think you'd like it. Anyway--the first season is not available on DVD anywhere in the greater Wasatch area. But it is available on amazon. I just didn't realize you could buy the season all at once instead of one episode at at time. Thank goodness there's only ten episodes in the first season, huh?
(A hastily concealed cough-that-would-be-laugh and more silence.)
Don't worry though, I figured it out by the time I got to the second season. There's just one charge there instead of twenty.
(Silence that is trying really hard to keep its cool...)
So...is that all?
Uh, well...yes ma'am. I think that clears it right up and I'll just take care of that for you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Nope. I think I'm good. I'm just gonna get back to work now. So...you guys have a good day and stuff!
Thank you. If you need anything else just give a call. You have a good day ma'am.
Sure thing, Roger. Bye!
At this point I have to give props to Roger wherever he is. I could totally tell he was trying not to snort or giggle. (Actually, I suppose chuckle would be a better word...I've found that--as a rule--men don't giggle.) And, he did a pretty good job of concealing it and speed talking to get off the phone as fast as possible so he could turn to whoever was beside him and say, "Dude, that woman was crazy!"
I also send out a karmic apology and warm fuzzy feelings to anyone involved with Castle. It really is an awesome show and I hope I didn't turn off a potential viewer simply because my Inner Dork chose that moment to rear it's nerdy head...
