Diary of a Strange Pregnant White Girl...

Day 267

All efforts have proven unsuccessful…despite multiple attempts to alter the situation, I am still pregnant.

Since getting the word from my OB that I am officially allowed to have the baby any day now: I have gone on a three mile hike, walked a mile or more every day for the past week, moved heavy pieces of furniture, deep cleaned, done sit-ups (which are really more like abdominal crunches because it turns out that it’s almost impossible to do sit-ups with the human equivalent of a bowling ball parked on the muscles I would normally use to perform said maneuver), started taking herbal supplements that are repudiated to “kick start” labor, all while working full-time…and still nothing!

This baby is a tease. I’ll get fairly consistent contractions during the evenings for about three hours, but once I stop moving and sit or lie down, all progress grinds to a halt and I am left once more to endure a sleepless night of leg and back cramps and bathroom trips. (I understand that I will still have sleepless nights after the baby comes, but at least it will be for reasons other than my own physical discomfort. And at this point, any change in my physical condition would be a welcome one…)

I am fed up and ready to be done.

My energy is sapped and frustrations are high at the end of each day—which is partly why I have had another long absence from the blogging arena—I have not yet mastered the ability to force myself to get out of bed (or off the couch) and go blog once I’ve sat down for the night. Now, I know I’m not the only one to ever struggle with this, but seriously?! When is this kid gonna get here?? I don’t see how it’s anatomically possible for me to get any bigger, but I’m afraid that’s what’s going to happen if I can’t find a way to convince this child that life is better on “the outside” soon.

A Lesson in Endurance

Today got off to a bit of bumpy start. (Although, technically all my days have "bumpy" starts lately...get it? Cause I'm pregnant? *Sigh* I've now starting telling stupid jokes. Isn't that some kind of parenting milestone?)

Seriously though. I spent most of my slow work day yesterday going over our budget and updating information and stuff. Not my favorite, but I feel better once it's done. And happily, despite a day of financial drudgery, I met my goal of getting dinner cooked, dishes done (at least the first batch--don't judge), and a load of laundry in the dryer before 10 last night.

This morning was also slow at work. So I decided to "put on my big girl pants" and spent it on the phone talking to creditors and paying bills. Also not my favorite. One of the ladies I talked to was particularly unhelpful and kept reading from her script rather than pay attention to my responses...I may or may not have made a snarky comment about purple cows just to interrupt her flow...childish, yet satisfying.

At any rate, while I feel good about facing the situation head-on and taking what steps I can to get us back on track financially, I also felt emotionally drained afterward. The part of me that gets scared about trying to raise a child while digging out of debt just wanted to curl up into a catatonic little ball--but I think that would scare my coworkers and patients. Instead, I called Patrick and he gave me a quick pep talk and we caught each other up to speed with what we were responsible for money wise this week.

That helped a bit--though I would have preferred to be given a hug and small back rub in person--but I always appreciate how he keeps calm and offers the "big picture" perspective during these kind of stressful discussions. I need that to balance me out, particularly since I get so emotional so easily lately.

Afterward, I continued trying to dispel the "doom and gloom" cloud that felt like it was hovering overhead; so I pulled up the Ensign on my kindle, hoping that I would find something to help. And--almost to my surprise--I did.

I read over some messages that felt like they were put there just for me, to encourage and uplift me during a time of stressful change and the anxiety that goes hand-in-hand with it. I felt a sense of peace. I know we are not where we need to be right now; but because of our combined efforts as husband and wife, I know we are heading in the right direction. I also know that my biggest challenge will be to focus on the progress we make, rather than the length of the process. Yet, in this moment, I feel prepared to accept that challenge and to make the most of each situation as it comes.

So, in the end, while it doesn't feel like today has been cheerful or easy the way I hoped it would be when I woke--it has been cathartic and productive. I made it through when I thought I couldn't. And I'm okay with that.

(P.S. It also helps that today ended on a much lighter note than it started. I was given coupons at work for two free ice creams at Farr's so we have a mini-date to look forward to when Patch gets off work tonight! Ice cream makes everything better...)

“Help! I’ve fallen down on blogging and I can’t get up!”

Hello to any reader who may have stumbled across this. If you’ve been waiting for me, I apologize. I honestly don’t know where the time went…but I didn’t intend to be absent this long. A thousand pardons. I hope the pictures in this post will absolve me (at least partly) of my guilt…

The truth is I’ve been busy. And when I wasn’t busy, I was exhausted. And when I was exhausted—I slept... or tried to, anyway. (I haven’t quite gotten the hang of multitasking on limited amounts of rest yet. So, I hope you’ll hang in there with me while I continue learning how this whole “mommy business” is gonna work. )

These past few weeks have been a flurry of crafting, working, cleaning, working, crafting, baby showers, working, mental breakdowns, and working.

I am happy to announce that we have finally assembled all the essential elements for the nursery! The walls are painted. The floor is vacuumed. The windows have been washed. The furniture is in place… It still looks a little Spartan because I have yet to put up curtains, or assemble bedding, or sort clothing and toys into their proper homes. But I freely admit that I was a bit overwhelmed by the realization of how much one little person can add to the laundry rotation, and I balked. Ahem. I mean, “took a step back to calm my nerves.”

Still, if we were suddenly faced with bringing baby home tomorrow, we could survive. I’m just hoping for a little more time to set up shop before that happens. (Not too much time, mind you. After all, I don’t want to be this big much longer…but a little more couldn’t hurt, right?)

I want to take a moment to send out a big karmic “Thank You!” to all the lovely ladies who came (or sent their love and support via another) to the Garden Tea Party/Baby Shower on the 4^th. You are amazing! Patrick and I don’t know what we would have done without you. Really. Because of you, we are now better prepared to clothe, feed, and nurture the little bundle of joy heading our way. You gave us the furniture she will use, the clothes and diapers she’ll wear, and the toys she’ll love and play with. She’ll come into the world surrounded by love. Thank you—from the bottom of our hearts. (I’m still tracking down addresses to thank you all individually, but in case it takes me longer than expected, I wanted you to know right now how much your support means to me.)

Without further ado, I would like to present you with some pictures of said fabulous day! (Please note, these were taken by the very talented Elizabeth Hansen—whom I’m eternally grateful to, because we might not otherwise have pictures—everyone was so busy enjoying themselves! I have borrowed just a few of my favorites from her Facebook page so you can see how awesome everything was.)



What's a Tea Party without a "Fabulous Hat Contest?"



Me and the other States Ladies. (That bulge under my hand is the much anticipated "guest of honor!")



Table display of all the handmade items waiting to be loved. The blessing gown was designed and sewn by my sister.



Such yummy treats...and so elegantly displayed!

 

Handmade prizes for the Hat Contest and Shower Games. There's a rag quilt themed "Kim's Garden" in honor of my mother, a handknit Alpaca lace scarf, and flower pots stuffed with a bouquet of soap and handknit washclothes.



First Place Hat, worn by my cousin Lauren.

Second Place Hat, worn by my friend Susan.

I was overwhelmed by the stack of gifts placed in front of me! As you can see from the picture, we were quite literally showered with adorable outfits and assorted baby essentials!

In the meantime, I’m doing my best to take things one day at a time. Today’s goal (after making it through my work shift of course) is to get one load of laundry and all the dishes done. I really hope to have made visible progress before 10 pm…Wish me luck!