Making The Most Of It

It suddenly dawned on me last night that I don't have very much maternity leave left.

So today, instead of staying at home and attempting to impose order on my home in between caring for Lucy, I decided to the let the chaos reign for another day while we went out to enjoy the summer weather.

Patrick was scheduled for a twelve hour shift, so I packed Lucy's things up for the day and we headed to my sister's house. She had invited us to tag along on her cousin's play date at the park. So we spent the better part of the day lounging in the shade (provided by our cousin Sarah--sooo happy she had that awning!) and watching all the kids (except mine of course--she just napped in my arms) run around the splash pad. (It made me long for the days when I could run around in a swimsuit all day without being self conscious...It also made me wish that we had had parks with splash pads when I was a kid...)

It was a little strange at first to realize that I have officially joined the ranks of mothers that lined the perimeter of the playground. I don't know why, but it's little things like trying to strategically park the stroller and making sure that I have a burp rag close to hand that shock my system and make me think, Holy Cow. It's happening. I'm actually doing MOM stuff. 

I've babysat and cared for kids before. But there was always that knowledge in the back of my mind that I could pass the kid back to its parent if I needed to--or that I only had to hold out a little longer before I could go home and relax--no such thing now. It kind of freaks me out a little how much I already view Lucy as an extension of myself...I have an itch to know where she is and what she's doing at all times.

So I'm going to have to use these last few days to make the most of it and (metaphorically) scratch that itch...because all too soon I'll have to adjust to being away from her for most of the day, and I can't predict how I'll handle that.

I just hope that those kind souls who have agreed to help watch her while I'm at work will indulge my neurotic requests for updates via text at least once an hour...maybe two...or maybe every thirty minutes. We'll just have to play it by ear and see...(And we'll have to keep our fingers crossed that I'll get used to the separation enough to be weaned off my need for constant information about her welfare. Although, it doesn't seem likely at this point in time.)  

Happy Pioneer Day

Six years ago today, Patrick proposed.

We were sitting in his car on the shore by Bear Lake, watching my cousins play in the water while it started to rain (hence why we were sitting in the car). We were both feeling pretty sleep deprived because we had stayed up late watching movies, I think maybe until 1:00 or 2:00 am, only to wake up at 5:00 am so that we could be to the lake on time to rent equipment. As neither of us are really "morning people" I'm still surprised that we didn't end up in a fiery car crash or something on the way up...

Anyway, we were just sitting and chatting while listening to the patter of the rain on the roof of the car. There came a lull in the conversation and I almost started to drift off to sleep when Patrick popped the question. I didn't even have to think about my answer, it just rolled right off my tongue. (Of course about thirty seconds later my brain caught up with my mouth and was slightly shocked at how easily I had agreed to such a life changing decision.)

I was thinking about that moment today as I was about to nod off into another nap after another busy day of swimming and playing with cousins ...

I'm still sleep deprived. But now it's because of waking early to care for our sweet baby girl. We still stay up way too late watching movies sometimes. But it's because we want to spend as much time as possible together, even when we work long days. And I'm sometimes still surprised by how much my life has changed since I said "yes." If I went back and relived that moment, I know that I still wouldn't even hesitate to take that leap despite knowing some of the challenges and hardships that would lay ahead.

It may have been the quickest decision I ever made, but it was by far the best. So, Happy Pioneer Day, Patrick. There is no one I would rather "blaze new trails" with than you!

Daddy's Little Fan-Girl

Patrick had the day off today. That means some serious snuggling/hang out time for him and Lucy this afternoon. (We had a busy morning at the doctor's offices. It was mommy's six week check up, and I'm happy to report that all's well and I've healed nicely after all that pushing. Then we stopped by the main radiology office at my work to make sure everything is in order for me to go back next week. It'll be a bittersweet moment.) 

There is nothing he likes better right now than to plop down on the couch with her and put on some Sci-Fi show. She's going to grow up to be a connoisseur of all things nerdy...which will mean she'll fit right in with the rest of our crazy family!

As a matter of fact, he has already planted a love for all things "Whedon" in her. Here she is in a Firefly themed onesie. I just wish I had thought to get him in the picture too. (He was wearing one of his Firefly T-shirts as well. It would have been too perfect...)

He's also trying to instill a love for super hero movies. He wanted to see if she could pull of the whole Clark Kent look one night after her bath:

Sadly, she was not in the mood. Ah, well. Better luck next time Dad!

These Magic Moments

So much has happened during this past month and a half that I need to catch up on...it has officially reached "daunting" proportions. However, I figure the only way to go about this is to start typing. We'll just do this one letter at a time and hope that it doesn't turn into something huge and rambling...no promises though!

Part One:

A New Arrival

At 8:00 am on June 12, 2013, I was laying in a hospital bed quoting movie lines with my dad while Patrick and a nurse were coaching me through each push and my sister fed me ice chips. The doctor said we were getting close and that she bet the baby was around 7 pounds at most. 

At 8:05 am, Lucy Joy came into the world at a whopping 8 lbs 11 oz and 19 inches long. They placed her on my chest and she gave a single soft cry that sounded like "hey" and opened her eyes and stared at me. She was so soft and slippery that I was almost afraid to touch her, but one look into those shiny little eyes and I knew I was a goner...she already had me wrapped around her little finger. I wanted to protest when the nurses came to take her away to clean her up and weigh her, but then I caught sight of Patrick--hovering protectively with that wonder struck expression--and I knew he needed his moment to stare into those little eyes too. 

The nurses said that she must have had "two pounds in each cheek" when they weighed her!

Me as a brand new mom drifting off to sleep while snuggling my little girl for the first time. (And yes, I think my smile still looks slightly drugged.)

We both marveled at how much hair she had! I was certain that she was going to be bald as I was...I'm glad I was wrong. She's so adorable. Especially after a bath when she's rocking the hair do that I have dubbed "the fluffy duckling."

I don't recall much else from that day. I was worn out and heavily medicated. I remember Patch's parents coming in to see her, but then the meds took effect and I don't remember anyone else coming or going--even though I know they did. The next day was better. I was awake and able to visit with family as they all came by to say hello and have a turn holding our adorable little chunk. And the day after that, Lucy and I were given a clean bill of health and were free to go!

Our first days after coming home from the hospital were a blur of naps and semi-successful nursing sessions. (It took us both a while to get the hang of breastfeeding, but I'm glad we stuck with it, despite tears on both of our parts. I really enjoy having that time together with her...And I fully admit to loving this "eat as much as I want while still losing weight" thing. It's freaking awesome.) We didn't leave the house much. Heck, we pretty much didn't leave the bedroom unless we absolutely had to. And I'm so grateful to all of our wonderful family members who came up to help us during this time. Patrick and I couldn't have made it through that first week without you! 

Part Two:

A Month of Firsts

There is no way I could cover every detail of our first month as a family. So I've tried to include as many of the highlights as possible. 

Her First Photo Shoot:

This was a gift from my States sisters-in-law, and I'm so happy to have received it! The photographer did a marvelous job and I had a hard time narrowing down my five favorite pictures...

New Arrival!

My little Anne Geddes baby. This shot reminds me of my mom...it's totally her style.

Sweet little naked baby skin...so soft!

I made this quilt and teddy bear for her.

I think this one might be my most favorite...

Her First "Tubby Bath:"

She takes after me in the fact that she appreciates a good soak in warm water. This is now part of our nightly routine...a bath for her and a bath for me!

Our Firstborn Baby Blessing:

My sister made her beautiful outfit. She modeled the design of it after our favorite Jane Austen costumes. She also knit the sweet lacy little bonnet. (I had made matching mitts to go with the bonnet, but I didn't count on her getting so big, so fast! They definitely didn't fit, but it was okay anyway. I did knit a white lace blanket to keep her warm in our chilly chapel.)

We were so happy to share this moment surrounded by friends and family. And even though some of our family was too far away to attend, I know we were in their thoughts, and it was wonderful to feel the love stretching across the miles. 

I felt so blessed as I watched my little girl be surrounded and supported by such a large circle of worthy priesthood holders. It was a very humbling moment to visually realize how much the gospel is woven into the fabric of my life. Patrick gave a beautiful blessing that made us all get teary-eyed--he told Lucy what an influence her Mima Kim had been in our lives and blessed her that she might honor her memory and continue her legacy of "finding joy in the journey." 

Our First Family Trip:

We went to the Bar M Ranch on the Wyoming/Idaho Border with the all the States clan. It was so beautiful up there! The house was cozy yet spacious and the scenery was fabulous. There were so many fun activities to do; but even better than that were all the helping hands available to hold and snuggle and play with the baby--mom actually got to read a book while listening to a bubbling brook and birdsong outside her bedroom window!

The one on the left is Monty. (I hope it goes without saying which one is my husband!)

Us as a family. Lucy apparently was not in the mood to watch her cousins go for horse rides...

So true...do nerdy cowgirls count? Because it's not lost on me that I'm wearing a Green Lantern sweatshirt instead of something more...ranch-y.

Patrick practically lived on these four-wheelers while we were up there!

We had to get one more with a regular smiling face from Patrick...I swear, it's near impossible to get a picture of him with a "normal" face...

The front room in the "cabin."

Lucy and Daddy, going for a stroll...

The view from the front porch of the guest house.

  

Diary of a Strange Pregnant White Girl...

Day 267

All efforts have proven unsuccessful…despite multiple attempts to alter the situation, I am still pregnant.

Since getting the word from my OB that I am officially allowed to have the baby any day now: I have gone on a three mile hike, walked a mile or more every day for the past week, moved heavy pieces of furniture, deep cleaned, done sit-ups (which are really more like abdominal crunches because it turns out that it’s almost impossible to do sit-ups with the human equivalent of a bowling ball parked on the muscles I would normally use to perform said maneuver), started taking herbal supplements that are repudiated to “kick start” labor, all while working full-time…and still nothing!

This baby is a tease. I’ll get fairly consistent contractions during the evenings for about three hours, but once I stop moving and sit or lie down, all progress grinds to a halt and I am left once more to endure a sleepless night of leg and back cramps and bathroom trips. (I understand that I will still have sleepless nights after the baby comes, but at least it will be for reasons other than my own physical discomfort. And at this point, any change in my physical condition would be a welcome one…)

I am fed up and ready to be done.

My energy is sapped and frustrations are high at the end of each day—which is partly why I have had another long absence from the blogging arena—I have not yet mastered the ability to force myself to get out of bed (or off the couch) and go blog once I’ve sat down for the night. Now, I know I’m not the only one to ever struggle with this, but seriously?! When is this kid gonna get here?? I don’t see how it’s anatomically possible for me to get any bigger, but I’m afraid that’s what’s going to happen if I can’t find a way to convince this child that life is better on “the outside” soon.

A Lesson in Endurance

Today got off to a bit of bumpy start. (Although, technically all my days have "bumpy" starts lately...get it? Cause I'm pregnant? *Sigh* I've now starting telling stupid jokes. Isn't that some kind of parenting milestone?)

Seriously though. I spent most of my slow work day yesterday going over our budget and updating information and stuff. Not my favorite, but I feel better once it's done. And happily, despite a day of financial drudgery, I met my goal of getting dinner cooked, dishes done (at least the first batch--don't judge), and a load of laundry in the dryer before 10 last night.

This morning was also slow at work. So I decided to "put on my big girl pants" and spent it on the phone talking to creditors and paying bills. Also not my favorite. One of the ladies I talked to was particularly unhelpful and kept reading from her script rather than pay attention to my responses...I may or may not have made a snarky comment about purple cows just to interrupt her flow...childish, yet satisfying.

At any rate, while I feel good about facing the situation head-on and taking what steps I can to get us back on track financially, I also felt emotionally drained afterward. The part of me that gets scared about trying to raise a child while digging out of debt just wanted to curl up into a catatonic little ball--but I think that would scare my coworkers and patients. Instead, I called Patrick and he gave me a quick pep talk and we caught each other up to speed with what we were responsible for money wise this week.

That helped a bit--though I would have preferred to be given a hug and small back rub in person--but I always appreciate how he keeps calm and offers the "big picture" perspective during these kind of stressful discussions. I need that to balance me out, particularly since I get so emotional so easily lately.

Afterward, I continued trying to dispel the "doom and gloom" cloud that felt like it was hovering overhead; so I pulled up the Ensign on my kindle, hoping that I would find something to help. And--almost to my surprise--I did.

I read over some messages that felt like they were put there just for me, to encourage and uplift me during a time of stressful change and the anxiety that goes hand-in-hand with it. I felt a sense of peace. I know we are not where we need to be right now; but because of our combined efforts as husband and wife, I know we are heading in the right direction. I also know that my biggest challenge will be to focus on the progress we make, rather than the length of the process. Yet, in this moment, I feel prepared to accept that challenge and to make the most of each situation as it comes.

So, in the end, while it doesn't feel like today has been cheerful or easy the way I hoped it would be when I woke--it has been cathartic and productive. I made it through when I thought I couldn't. And I'm okay with that.

(P.S. It also helps that today ended on a much lighter note than it started. I was given coupons at work for two free ice creams at Farr's so we have a mini-date to look forward to when Patch gets off work tonight! Ice cream makes everything better...)

“Help! I’ve fallen down on blogging and I can’t get up!”

Hello to any reader who may have stumbled across this. If you’ve been waiting for me, I apologize. I honestly don’t know where the time went…but I didn’t intend to be absent this long. A thousand pardons. I hope the pictures in this post will absolve me (at least partly) of my guilt…

The truth is I’ve been busy. And when I wasn’t busy, I was exhausted. And when I was exhausted—I slept... or tried to, anyway. (I haven’t quite gotten the hang of multitasking on limited amounts of rest yet. So, I hope you’ll hang in there with me while I continue learning how this whole “mommy business” is gonna work. )

These past few weeks have been a flurry of crafting, working, cleaning, working, crafting, baby showers, working, mental breakdowns, and working.

I am happy to announce that we have finally assembled all the essential elements for the nursery! The walls are painted. The floor is vacuumed. The windows have been washed. The furniture is in place… It still looks a little Spartan because I have yet to put up curtains, or assemble bedding, or sort clothing and toys into their proper homes. But I freely admit that I was a bit overwhelmed by the realization of how much one little person can add to the laundry rotation, and I balked. Ahem. I mean, “took a step back to calm my nerves.”

Still, if we were suddenly faced with bringing baby home tomorrow, we could survive. I’m just hoping for a little more time to set up shop before that happens. (Not too much time, mind you. After all, I don’t want to be this big much longer…but a little more couldn’t hurt, right?)

I want to take a moment to send out a big karmic “Thank You!” to all the lovely ladies who came (or sent their love and support via another) to the Garden Tea Party/Baby Shower on the 4^th. You are amazing! Patrick and I don’t know what we would have done without you. Really. Because of you, we are now better prepared to clothe, feed, and nurture the little bundle of joy heading our way. You gave us the furniture she will use, the clothes and diapers she’ll wear, and the toys she’ll love and play with. She’ll come into the world surrounded by love. Thank you—from the bottom of our hearts. (I’m still tracking down addresses to thank you all individually, but in case it takes me longer than expected, I wanted you to know right now how much your support means to me.)

Without further ado, I would like to present you with some pictures of said fabulous day! (Please note, these were taken by the very talented Elizabeth Hansen—whom I’m eternally grateful to, because we might not otherwise have pictures—everyone was so busy enjoying themselves! I have borrowed just a few of my favorites from her Facebook page so you can see how awesome everything was.)



What's a Tea Party without a "Fabulous Hat Contest?"



Me and the other States Ladies. (That bulge under my hand is the much anticipated "guest of honor!")



Table display of all the handmade items waiting to be loved. The blessing gown was designed and sewn by my sister.



Such yummy treats...and so elegantly displayed!

 

Handmade prizes for the Hat Contest and Shower Games. There's a rag quilt themed "Kim's Garden" in honor of my mother, a handknit Alpaca lace scarf, and flower pots stuffed with a bouquet of soap and handknit washclothes.



First Place Hat, worn by my cousin Lauren.

Second Place Hat, worn by my friend Susan.

I was overwhelmed by the stack of gifts placed in front of me! As you can see from the picture, we were quite literally showered with adorable outfits and assorted baby essentials!

In the meantime, I’m doing my best to take things one day at a time. Today’s goal (after making it through my work shift of course) is to get one load of laundry and all the dishes done. I really hope to have made visible progress before 10 pm…Wish me luck!