My Life: "Re-Solved"

Resolved: adj. firm in purpose or intent; determined

Solved: v. (used with an object) 1. to fined the answer or explanation for; clear up; explain

2. to work out the answer or solution

Originally, I had written a very long, rambling post to go with this title--but the more I thought about the point I actually wanted to get across, I decided to scrap it and go with something more simple, direct, and from the heart. So, here it goes:

I have a horribly apathetic attitude towards the New Year...always have. Especially when it comes to resolutions. During a moment of intense self-reflection, I have come to realize and accept that this is because I really struggle with the concept of endurance. Now, don't get me wrong: it's not a problem with all forms of endurance--there are many things in my life which I am deeply committed to--but for some reason, I keep tripping up when it comes to self-improvement. I lack staying-power in my goals...I'll do really well, and be really zealous for a while, and then it's like I run out of steam and my motivation starts circling the metaphorical drain...So what am I doing wrong?

When I was about fifteen, my mom gave me a book to read called Heshe, Meshe, Mison, and Orbit. It's a sort of coming of age tale about a young girl as she discovers what it means to become an adult. Anyway, her grandmother--who emigrated to Hawaii from China--teaches her these four Chinese philosophies to help guide her. And I kept thinking about the last one: orbit. In the book, her grandmother tells the girl, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always be what you've always been."

As I was thinking about my problems with resolutions, that phrase popped into my head and I suddenly saw myself very clearly for a moment--my behavior patterns, my coping skills (or lack thereof), my stress triggers--and I decided to try something different. I'm going to start small.

I have a tendency to make grand "finished product" type plans. Now that I have a house and yard, I imagine what they will look like when they are completely "finished." But there are so many little things that need changing, or to be taken into consideration, that I very quickly get overwhelmed and decide to do something else...like knit or watch tv. Same thing with the rest of my life: I struggle with the concept of smaller, achievable goals. (Maybe because I'm a very impatient person at heart who wants to see results NOW.) But, obviously, my methods have not worked yet, so it's time to really try.

Here's my plan: I'm going to focus on three goals for two months. Just two months. I'm going to choose three different areas of my life and pick one thing from each that I can reasonably alter within that time frame for my benefit.

1. School: this is my biggest stressor bar none. I get the most stressed when I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do. This is usually because I've procrastinated. I procrastinate because I'm easily distracted by other things I have to do around the house, etc.

Solution: Set aside 30 minutes M-F to focus on just schoolwork while at home.

Keep track of this one with a chart on the fridge or some other highly visible place and reward myself periodically for a job well done.

2. Home: this is an area where I am constantly overreaching...What do I need the most right now in order to feel peaceful at home? A perpetually tidy refuge. A place to study. A place to relax. Can I have this right now? Not immediately, at least, not the way I envision it-- I'd need to do some intensive de-cluttering and rearranging first. So what can I do now to feel better at home?

Solution: Focus on maintaining the bedroom daily.

This is where I do most of my studying at the moment. And this is the room that suffers the most from day to day clutter. Since I share it, make sure that Patrick is willing to help me keep it in good condition. Make sure we discuss and agree on what "good condition" means...

3. Physical Health: I have lots of goals in this area, but I want to focus on exercise. I struggle with this because I don't have the time or money to go to a gym. Or someone to go with. I need to find something I enjoy enough to keep up with on my own.

Solution: Play Zumba Kinect at least twice a week and record it on the hard drive.

Let's say every Tues and Saturday since those are the days I usually have the most free time. It was very sweet of Patrick to give it to me for Christmas since he knows how much I miss going to the classes with Chrissy. I don't want it to be a wasted gesture.

So, let the achieving begin! I have two months from now to turn these goals into healthy habits. I will give a final report of my efforts on my birthday, March 7. And I will hold myself accountable with a weekly posting of how I've done. This post will be submitted before midnight each Saturday. ( I'm 80% certain that idea of admitting failure in a public forum ought to motivate me enough for these next few months.) Wish me luck and feel free to encourage me along the way! I'm pretty sure I'll need it!