Malaise

Today was not my favorite.

We got some disheartening news this morning and my mood never quite bounced back. I felt drained before the day really even started. I chose to sleep for most of the day with the baby instead of getting stuff done like I had planned.

To be honest, I'm surprised I was even able to summon the energy to write as much as I have...but now I hear the baby screaming and it's time to muster up the reserves of energy to go be a parent...

I hope tomorrow will be better and that I'll be able to shake off this funk.

Making The Most Of It

It suddenly dawned on me last night that I don't have very much maternity leave left.

So today, instead of staying at home and attempting to impose order on my home in between caring for Lucy, I decided to the let the chaos reign for another day while we went out to enjoy the summer weather.

Patrick was scheduled for a twelve hour shift, so I packed Lucy's things up for the day and we headed to my sister's house. She had invited us to tag along on her cousin's play date at the park. So we spent the better part of the day lounging in the shade (provided by our cousin Sarah--sooo happy she had that awning!) and watching all the kids (except mine of course--she just napped in my arms) run around the splash pad. (It made me long for the days when I could run around in a swimsuit all day without being self conscious...It also made me wish that we had had parks with splash pads when I was a kid...)

It was a little strange at first to realize that I have officially joined the ranks of mothers that lined the perimeter of the playground. I don't know why, but it's little things like trying to strategically park the stroller and making sure that I have a burp rag close to hand that shock my system and make me think, Holy Cow. It's happening. I'm actually doing MOM stuff. 

I've babysat and cared for kids before. But there was always that knowledge in the back of my mind that I could pass the kid back to its parent if I needed to--or that I only had to hold out a little longer before I could go home and relax--no such thing now. It kind of freaks me out a little how much I already view Lucy as an extension of myself...I have an itch to know where she is and what she's doing at all times.

So I'm going to have to use these last few days to make the most of it and (metaphorically) scratch that itch...because all too soon I'll have to adjust to being away from her for most of the day, and I can't predict how I'll handle that.

I just hope that those kind souls who have agreed to help watch her while I'm at work will indulge my neurotic requests for updates via text at least once an hour...maybe two...or maybe every thirty minutes. We'll just have to play it by ear and see...(And we'll have to keep our fingers crossed that I'll get used to the separation enough to be weaned off my need for constant information about her welfare. Although, it doesn't seem likely at this point in time.)  

Happy Pioneer Day

Six years ago today, Patrick proposed.

We were sitting in his car on the shore by Bear Lake, watching my cousins play in the water while it started to rain (hence why we were sitting in the car). We were both feeling pretty sleep deprived because we had stayed up late watching movies, I think maybe until 1:00 or 2:00 am, only to wake up at 5:00 am so that we could be to the lake on time to rent equipment. As neither of us are really "morning people" I'm still surprised that we didn't end up in a fiery car crash or something on the way up...

Anyway, we were just sitting and chatting while listening to the patter of the rain on the roof of the car. There came a lull in the conversation and I almost started to drift off to sleep when Patrick popped the question. I didn't even have to think about my answer, it just rolled right off my tongue. (Of course about thirty seconds later my brain caught up with my mouth and was slightly shocked at how easily I had agreed to such a life changing decision.)

I was thinking about that moment today as I was about to nod off into another nap after another busy day of swimming and playing with cousins ...

I'm still sleep deprived. But now it's because of waking early to care for our sweet baby girl. We still stay up way too late watching movies sometimes. But it's because we want to spend as much time as possible together, even when we work long days. And I'm sometimes still surprised by how much my life has changed since I said "yes." If I went back and relived that moment, I know that I still wouldn't even hesitate to take that leap despite knowing some of the challenges and hardships that would lay ahead.

It may have been the quickest decision I ever made, but it was by far the best. So, Happy Pioneer Day, Patrick. There is no one I would rather "blaze new trails" with than you!

Daddy's Little Fan-Girl

Patrick had the day off today. That means some serious snuggling/hang out time for him and Lucy this afternoon. (We had a busy morning at the doctor's offices. It was mommy's six week check up, and I'm happy to report that all's well and I've healed nicely after all that pushing. Then we stopped by the main radiology office at my work to make sure everything is in order for me to go back next week. It'll be a bittersweet moment.) 

There is nothing he likes better right now than to plop down on the couch with her and put on some Sci-Fi show. She's going to grow up to be a connoisseur of all things nerdy...which will mean she'll fit right in with the rest of our crazy family!

As a matter of fact, he has already planted a love for all things "Whedon" in her. Here she is in a Firefly themed onesie. I just wish I had thought to get him in the picture too. (He was wearing one of his Firefly T-shirts as well. It would have been too perfect...)

He's also trying to instill a love for super hero movies. He wanted to see if she could pull of the whole Clark Kent look one night after her bath:

Sadly, she was not in the mood. Ah, well. Better luck next time Dad!

These Magic Moments

So much has happened during this past month and a half that I need to catch up on...it has officially reached "daunting" proportions. However, I figure the only way to go about this is to start typing. We'll just do this one letter at a time and hope that it doesn't turn into something huge and rambling...no promises though!

Part One:

A New Arrival

At 8:00 am on June 12, 2013, I was laying in a hospital bed quoting movie lines with my dad while Patrick and a nurse were coaching me through each push and my sister fed me ice chips. The doctor said we were getting close and that she bet the baby was around 7 pounds at most. 

At 8:05 am, Lucy Joy came into the world at a whopping 8 lbs 11 oz and 19 inches long. They placed her on my chest and she gave a single soft cry that sounded like "hey" and opened her eyes and stared at me. She was so soft and slippery that I was almost afraid to touch her, but one look into those shiny little eyes and I knew I was a goner...she already had me wrapped around her little finger. I wanted to protest when the nurses came to take her away to clean her up and weigh her, but then I caught sight of Patrick--hovering protectively with that wonder struck expression--and I knew he needed his moment to stare into those little eyes too. 

The nurses said that she must have had "two pounds in each cheek" when they weighed her!

Me as a brand new mom drifting off to sleep while snuggling my little girl for the first time. (And yes, I think my smile still looks slightly drugged.)

We both marveled at how much hair she had! I was certain that she was going to be bald as I was...I'm glad I was wrong. She's so adorable. Especially after a bath when she's rocking the hair do that I have dubbed "the fluffy duckling."

I don't recall much else from that day. I was worn out and heavily medicated. I remember Patch's parents coming in to see her, but then the meds took effect and I don't remember anyone else coming or going--even though I know they did. The next day was better. I was awake and able to visit with family as they all came by to say hello and have a turn holding our adorable little chunk. And the day after that, Lucy and I were given a clean bill of health and were free to go!

Our first days after coming home from the hospital were a blur of naps and semi-successful nursing sessions. (It took us both a while to get the hang of breastfeeding, but I'm glad we stuck with it, despite tears on both of our parts. I really enjoy having that time together with her...And I fully admit to loving this "eat as much as I want while still losing weight" thing. It's freaking awesome.) We didn't leave the house much. Heck, we pretty much didn't leave the bedroom unless we absolutely had to. And I'm so grateful to all of our wonderful family members who came up to help us during this time. Patrick and I couldn't have made it through that first week without you! 

Part Two:

A Month of Firsts

There is no way I could cover every detail of our first month as a family. So I've tried to include as many of the highlights as possible. 

Her First Photo Shoot:

This was a gift from my States sisters-in-law, and I'm so happy to have received it! The photographer did a marvelous job and I had a hard time narrowing down my five favorite pictures...

New Arrival!

My little Anne Geddes baby. This shot reminds me of my mom...it's totally her style.

Sweet little naked baby skin...so soft!

I made this quilt and teddy bear for her.

I think this one might be my most favorite...

Her First "Tubby Bath:"

She takes after me in the fact that she appreciates a good soak in warm water. This is now part of our nightly routine...a bath for her and a bath for me!

Our Firstborn Baby Blessing:

My sister made her beautiful outfit. She modeled the design of it after our favorite Jane Austen costumes. She also knit the sweet lacy little bonnet. (I had made matching mitts to go with the bonnet, but I didn't count on her getting so big, so fast! They definitely didn't fit, but it was okay anyway. I did knit a white lace blanket to keep her warm in our chilly chapel.)

We were so happy to share this moment surrounded by friends and family. And even though some of our family was too far away to attend, I know we were in their thoughts, and it was wonderful to feel the love stretching across the miles. 

I felt so blessed as I watched my little girl be surrounded and supported by such a large circle of worthy priesthood holders. It was a very humbling moment to visually realize how much the gospel is woven into the fabric of my life. Patrick gave a beautiful blessing that made us all get teary-eyed--he told Lucy what an influence her Mima Kim had been in our lives and blessed her that she might honor her memory and continue her legacy of "finding joy in the journey." 

Our First Family Trip:

We went to the Bar M Ranch on the Wyoming/Idaho Border with the all the States clan. It was so beautiful up there! The house was cozy yet spacious and the scenery was fabulous. There were so many fun activities to do; but even better than that were all the helping hands available to hold and snuggle and play with the baby--mom actually got to read a book while listening to a bubbling brook and birdsong outside her bedroom window!

The one on the left is Monty. (I hope it goes without saying which one is my husband!)

Us as a family. Lucy apparently was not in the mood to watch her cousins go for horse rides...

So true...do nerdy cowgirls count? Because it's not lost on me that I'm wearing a Green Lantern sweatshirt instead of something more...ranch-y.

Patrick practically lived on these four-wheelers while we were up there!

We had to get one more with a regular smiling face from Patrick...I swear, it's near impossible to get a picture of him with a "normal" face...

The front room in the "cabin."

Lucy and Daddy, going for a stroll...

The view from the front porch of the guest house.