Finding my silver lining

Believe it or not, I started a writing a post for last night; but, upon reflection, I was writing from an unhappy place and chose to not put all that negativity out there once I got home.

It has been a rough couple of days and sleepless nights. It has been reinforced to me lately, that my body is no longer my own--my lower ribs in particular are protesting the gradual invasion from my darling intruder down below. And while I really do like my job, these long shifts are taking more and more of a toll on me the farther along I get. I find myself eagerly counting down the days until I can go on maternity leave and (hopefully) get a few days of rest before facing the sleepless nights of "new mommy-hood."

On a lighter note, I've been making good progress on my "Getting Ready" checklist. I finished knitting her blessing blanket yesterday. I'm so happy with how it turned out! It does need a little blocking on the sides, to stop the edges from curling under, but that's no big deal. And I started working on a little hat that (once again: hopefully) will fit her and that she can wear home from the hospital.

Patrick is nearly done painting the nursery--there's just that few inches near the ceiling that remain to be covered up. I'm really excited to see how it's all coming together--it's gonna be so cute! And once the walls are done, I can finally start arranging the furniture (or, y'know, supervise as Patrick moves it around) and decorating with all the fabric projects I've been working on in the meantime.

Plus, last night, my sweet in-laws sent up a special surprise that totally made my night: a bassinet that's been in their family for over 120 years! The best descriptive word I can think of for it is charming. It's all hand-turned spindles and sturdy, pioneer-esque workmanship. (Plus, it's low enough that I will have absolutely no problem bending over the rails to get the baby in or out!)

It was so fun to listen to Patrick list all the family members who've spent their first nights in this little piece of history. He showed me the small nicks and repairs that furniture that old is bound to accrue, and all the stories behind them. And as I watched him set it up, and the excitement in his face and voice at the prospect of rocking his child to sleep in the same way he was soothed as a baby, my heart melted a little. I feel so glad that this sweet little girl of ours will come into the world surrounded by a family full of love, and memories of generations past--even if she'll be too young to remember it for herself for a while--I believe it's the kind of thing that leaves an impression on the soul.

So I'm doing my best to hang on to these feelings and this excitement, rather than dwell on the aches, pains, inconveniences, and anxieties that seem like they have no end in sight. I'm going to trust that the end to this process will come--probably sooner than I think--and I'll be so in alt over "my prize" that the rest will just...fade away...or at least become less noticeable.

And in the meantime, I'll celebrate the small successes. Like the fact that I actually slept through the night last night! (I don't know if my body was just so worn out from a particularly strenuous evening, that it just couldn't cope with prospect of tossing and turning and getting up to pee; or if the new sleep position I decided to try worked like a magic pill; or if taking a long soak in as hot a bath as I could handle right before going to sleep did the trick; or if it was a combination of all these things--but the results were glorious. I hope I can replicate it again tonight--minus the fact that I forgot to set my alarm and it was only my bladder that rescued me from being crazy-late for work. Today I was only "moderately" late. Ah well, you can't have everything I suppose.)



  

"Practically Perfect"

It was another quiet day at home for me...

I finished piecing together the slipcover. All that remains to be done is hemming the bottom edges and serging the inner seams. (And recovering the seat cushion, of course.) I did attempt to try pinning the hem in place, but quickly discovered that it's not really something I can do without lying on my stomach--an impossibility at this point. So I might kind of "fudge it" until after the baby comes and I can do it properly. 

My back was royally sore after two days of sitting in strange, cramped positions trying to pin and sew this behemoth--it became very unwieldy after all the pieces were pinned together--so I gave myself the afternoon off. 

I put a heating pad on my back while I watched a bit of TV and surfed the web, catching up on everyone's blogs and Facebook posts, etc. After reading my cousin's post about making more time for herself, I was inspired to do the same. I took a long warm shower. (I can't do "hot" anymore. It makes me dizzy.) I moisturized my skin (even the hard to reach bits) and trimmed my hair. And I cut and polished all my nails, including the toes, people! (That took a bit of doing, let me tell you...As short as I am, you wouldn't think my feet could seem so far away...but it's the truth!)

Patrick was home by 5:30--a very rare treat for both of us to be home when it's still light out in the evening--so we went for a long walk along one of the many hiking/jogging trails we recently discovered. It was beautiful evening, if a bit nippy, and we got to enjoy each other's company without the distraction of electronic entertainment for a while. I had packed a light snack for the trip because I knew it would take us a while to get to our destination at my pace. There were a couple of seagulls near where we chose to sit, so we watched them duke it out over my apple core. Patrick called the winner. He must have a knack for picking the winner of a fight after watching Wrestle-mania and stuff as a teen....I felt bad for the loser, so I left a little more apple behind when I was fairly certain the winner wasn't looking. I hope he got it. 

Despite the chilly breeze on the way back, I was telling Patrick how good the idea of a snow cone sounded to me. Unfortunately, it's still too early in the year for snow shacks to be open, but Patrick found the next best thing on the way home: smoothies! Which ended up being our dinner, because I wore myself out on that walk and with playing catch-up on all the laundry waiting for me when we got back...It bites when you run out of underwear and work clothes at the same time...  

Now as I sit and reflect back on the day (while fighting the urge to fall asleep over the keyboard), I have to admit: I feel perfectly content with my life in this moment. It may not be perfect, but it's pretty darn close if you ask me. :-)

A Quiet Weekend

I almost went to sleep without posting again. Luckily, I had the day off and was able to nap this afternoon, so I was awake enough to remember to blog.

Just a quick catch-up:

Friday:
I spent the day with Chrissy. We watched a bit of TV and then went over to Dad's to start clearing out the craft nook by his office. (I ended up finding a lot of forgotten treasures--like sewing patterns, fabric, and sock yarn. It was kind of like going to JoAnn's or Hobby Lobby without actually having to spend money!) When we got back to Chrissy's house, we had an impromptu dinner party as Patrick, Dad, Kaylee, and I all joined Chrissy's family for dinner. Then Scott and Ana called and invited us to go to a movie, so we also had a spur of the moment date night! An excellent end to an excellent day.

Saturday:
I had to go work. Thankfully, despite one very traumatic broken elbow, it wasn't very busy and I was lucky enough to be working with a friend of mine. So we mostly sat in the break room and knitted in between patients. I introduced her to cabling--I'm pretty sure she'll love the results! Because it was still light outside when I got home, Patch and I went for a walk and discovered a new park that we will definitely be visiting again...there are some really beautiful views here in O-Town...And we got to hang out with Scott and Ana when we got back. There's something really nice about just enjoying the company of friends over pizza and a movie rental. Don't you think?

Sunday:
Patrick was going to be working all day, so I went down to hang out at Dad's house so I wouldn't have to be alone all day. I had intended to go to church with him, but I overslept and barely had time to throw on any clothes before we left--let alone begin the painstaking process of trying to find a skirt that still fits. Needless to say, I wasn't properly attired to accompany him, so it wound up being a very mellow day for me. I mostly napped between bathroom and food breaks. Plus, Patch was kind enough to help me clean the kitchen when we got back--something that very much needed doing--I really appreciate when he helps me so willingly. (Love you, sweets!)

That brings us to today. I was without transportation or cell phone today--I accidentally left my phone at Dad's the night before--so after Patch left for work, I felt a little bit trapped. I decided to take my mind off things by focusing on getting baby projects done. (I suppose I could have done laundry or cleaned, but I found I needed something that required more mental focus than those tasks require. I don't know why, but I do feel prone to small anxiety attacks lately. So I was trying to head this one off.)

I finished painting the bottom half of the nursery. (I wasn't about to try standing on a stool to do the top half. That will just have to wait for Patrick.) I knitted a few more pattern repeats on the Blessing Day blanket I've been working on. I made myself lunch and fell asleep during an episode of Chopped. And when I woke up, I found the courage I've been waiting for, to finally tackle sewing together "The Awful Chair" slipcover. I still have two more pieces that need to be pin-fitted and sewn, but all in all, I'm very pleased with my first efforts in this arena. Pictures will be forthcoming.  

"It's sucking my will to live!"

I'm sorry I didn't post last night. I think I will need to make more of an effort to post in the daylight hours for the rest of my pregnancy--and probably for a while after--because I have become part slug.

Ever since Tuesday, it seems that once I get home from work, I'm awake for about a half an hour (just long enough to change clothes and grab a small bite to eat) and then I promptly fall asleep wherever I end up sitting. Sometimes it's the couch, sometimes the bed...and once in the bathtub. Patrick scolded me a bit for the bathtub incident. (I would just like to point out that I didn't drown--in fact, it would be almost impossible for me to drown at this point because I take up so much room that there's barely enough water to cover my legs--and I can't exactly turn over to end up face down now, either.) For my part, I just wish the sleep was more restful than it ends up being. I am very much looking forward to the days when I'm no longer fighting the urge to go to the bathroom at all hours of the night...Speaking of which:

I was particularly disoriented last night as I got up for my third or fourth trip to the bathroom and I was struggling to find the door handle in the dark. I fumbled around, tapping the walls for at least a minute until I found the handle. "Finally!" my brain thought; but noooo. Turns out I walked into the closet and it took me a little while to figure out why I couldn't find the toilet in this strange room filled with Patrick's shoes...

Oh, and speaking of Patrick, that reminds me I was going to tell you how his dinner turned out: It was...Okay. He did everything correctly, (Except remembering to close the lid on the jar of brown sugar before he left. Not to worry though, I had an extra bag on hand to replace the rock hard sugar when I got home.) but we decided it just wasn't our favorite recipe ever. We both prefer the savory flavor of roasted squash, while this method ends up steaming it and shrinking the sausage and herb stuffing. Plus, the brown sugar made it a bit too sweet for our taste. I'd be interested in trying to meld the same ingredients in a different way in the future...minus the sugar of course. Still, I have to give credit where credit is due--he did a good job, followed the instructions, and everything was edible. :-)

I don't think there's really anything else interesting to say. I've got one more twelve hour shift to survive today before I get a day off. Finger crossed that I stay awake for all of it! ;-)

The Ol' Switcheroo

Today has been filled with interesting contradictions.

I made a concerted effort this morning to be ready to leave for work on time—it’s the first time I’ve driven myself in nearly three weeks since we’ve been trying to stretch our gas budget—yet, even though I arrived on time, I had a line of six patients waiting and was hard pressed to keep up for the first few hours. (Having healthy snacks pre-packed definitely helped me make it through!)

However, once I made it through the initial rush, I spent the rest of the day trying to stay awake—hoping against hope that one of the patients in the waiting room would be for me. Only two of them were.

Patrick was being incredibly sweet last night and early this morning as I struggled to sleep. He woke up with me in the wee hours to give me a long massage in an attempt to ease my back pain.  He got up with me again when it was time for me to leave so he could help me put my socks and shoes on, and to move his car out of the driveway where it was blocking mine…

Yet he called me at work around noon sounding pretty put out that he was the one who had to assemble dinner in the crock pot before leaving for the day.  (Usually I would at least cut everything up for him, but I ran out of time this morning; and it seems to be something of a sore point with him that acorn squash are not clearly marked with “cut here” lines… )Oh well, I know cooking isn't really his thing. I’m just glad he did it anyway, despite his inherent distaste of following recipes. (Even when said recipes only have five ingredients and three steps. I'm just saying...it's not like I asked him to make a pie from scratch or anything.)

My body has been lopsided all day. The baby has stayed head down, but this morning her back was on my left side until she suddenly decided to try laying the other way. That was one of the oddest sensations I've had so far... I was in the middle of setting up for an exam, when suddenly I saw/felt my belly heave as she swiveled around to face the other way. I almost lost my balance and fell.  I've spent the afternoon walking around like I just got done with a long horse ride...so not attractive. I just hope she stays put and doesn't make any more big moves for a while. I'm seriously afraid my legs will pop off if she does! 

I hope that once work is done (just ten more minutes to go!) that the rest of the evening will be mellow and without surprise.

P.S. I promise to let you know how dinner goes, though. I'm always curious to know the results when Patrick has been unleashed in the kitchen unsupervised...It either goes well, or badly. There is no in between. :-)

A Fresh Start...Tomorrow

Today was my appointment with my OB. Everything seems to be pretty much on track despite my never-ending head/chest cold. The only hiccup is how fast the baby is growing--which is fine for her, and very uncomfortable for me--if she keeps this rate up, I could be trying to squeeze out a 9-10 lb baby on my first go around. Not exactly what I had in mind...

At my last appointment, the doc told me to really watch my simple sugar/carb intake. Which I actually did. I cut back my portion size of those things to about a third of what I would usually eat...but apparently to no avail, because this little lady inside me is still putting on weight like she's afraid of a famine... So, when I asked what more I could do, she told me to try really upping my fruit and veggie intake and cutting out all junk sugar like cookies and stuff until my next appointment two weeks from now. (I can still have pasta and potatoes and bread occasionally; and only in limited quantities. At least I don't have to cut everything out cold turkey...)

So I'm doing my best to follow doctor's orders. I went to a local produce stand at the end of my street this afternoon and got a whole bunch of vegetables to substitute in my dinner plans where I would normally put rice or pasta; as well as a lot more variety of fruit to take to work as snacks. I'm already a huge protein fan, so that was no problem to incorporate into my "new diet."

I sat down when I got home and wrote down a menu for the week so that I could make sure I would use all the produce up and not let it go to waste. Then I called Patrick and asked him to pick up a few items when he got off work that they didn't carry at the produce stall like meat and yogurt, etc.

I also told him to pick out a few snack items that he can take to work easily in case we don't have enough leftovers to make lunch the next day. He came home with everything I asked for--plus a package of Double Stuf Oreos as a treat for me. *Sigh* It was so sweet of him, plus they are my very favorite snack/craving I've had during the whole of my pregnancy. He looked so crestfallen when I told him that I couldn't have them that my heart almost broke. So I compromised.

I treated myself to a "last supper" after dinner tonight. I had a stack of Oreos and finished off the last can of orange soda we had in the fridge as a sort of farewell to dessert. (I kept telling myself that I had to eat them so they wouldn't be there to tempt me anymore. Yeah, not the best logic ever--as I'm sure many of you would agree--but I'm operating with 4% less brain power at the moment, right? So there. Besides, I just couldn't hurt Patrick's feelings when he was trying so hard to be nice, right?)

Tomorrow will be my official "new leaf." I have a healthy breakfast and snacks all packed and ready to go in the fridge for work tomorrow. Plus dinner will be centered around acorn squash. And I have magnanimously decided to donate my Oreos to my coworkers. (Mostly to spare myself the constant inner battle of trying not to eat them and failing.)  

Everyone's busy but me...

Today I've been watching people rush around and be productive. I haven't been.

Our sacrament meeting in particular was pretty crazy--we had four baby blessings today. So with all the extended families and friends who came to support their loved ones, we found ourselves sitting on the last row of folding chairs halfway to the back of the gym. Plus, we couldn't really hear anything because of all the extra children--especially the "escape artists" who spent most of the meeting running back and forth behind us on the hardwood floor. Watching all those mom's trying to chase their little ones made me kind of tired. I don't think that bodes well for the future when my own offspring becomes mobile...

When we got home from church we started to pick up the front rooms a bit. And when I say we, I mean Patrick, because all I was able to accomplish was unloading the top rack of the dishwasher before I dissolved into a pathetic puddle on the edge of the sofa. Patrick finished picking up the main room and took out the garbage while I pretty much just sat and stared at the floor feeling exhausted.

We came down to Dad's house to finish doing our taxes this afternoon, and it was more of the same. I watched Dad cook and Patrick set the table. I watched them clean up afterward. And then I watched as Patrick went outside to do some more sanding on Dad's front porch. Dad was apparently infected by this whole productivity bug, because he left a few minutes later to go start repairs on some of the rotten boards on the back deck.

I have nothing more strenuous for my future planned that sitting and watching TV for the rest of the evening...It's a lazy Sunday for me! 

Bublé isn't the only one "Feeling Good!"

Some days are just awesome...today was one of those days for me.

Patrick and I were able to go to a live session at the Salt Lake Temple with Cari and Aaron this morning. We almost didn't make it because I can't walk waddle as fast as everyone else, plus they had to wait while I went on a potty break or two...but we were seated in just the nick of time! I had never been inside the Salt Lake Temple before--it is a beautiful and holy building--I feel so blessed to have been able to experience it for myself. And the goodness of the day didn't stop after we left.

We had lunch at the Lion House Pantry and it was delicious. I'm not sure how long we just sat and talked over our food, but I loved every minute of it. It felt a little like those scenes from the movies when people go out for a day on the town and close out whatever restaurant they end up in. The only slightly sad dip in the day came when we were getting ready to drive home after lunch, and I discovered that I have officially entered the "cankle" portion of my pregnancy...I don't wear heels any more if I can avoid it because I'm becoming too unbalanced to walk more than ten feet without embarrassing myself. However, the only flat shoes I have that were nice enough to wear to the temple have straps that cross over my ankle--and, as I quickly discovered, they are perfectly placed to cut off my circulation as we were walking around downtown SLC.

I was gearing up to have a bit of a pity party over my swelling physique in the car; when Patrick surprised me and saved the day (emotionally) by stopping at store so I could pick out a pair of simple black ballet flats that I can wear to church and the like from now on. My hero! (Forget flowers, guys. If you really want to brighten up a girl's day, get her a nice pair of shoes!)

When we got home, we spent a few hours getting some more painting done in the nursery before calling a halt for the day so we could rest our aching backs. (Patrick spent all day yesterday working on sanding down my Dad's decks to get re-stained for the upcoming summer. So today he's been groaning when he walks or stands for long periods of time--like me! Tee hee!) I'm hoping that this next week will see some substantial progress in that area for us.

So, yeah...like I said before: Today has been awesome. Hope you had a good one, too!    

Dazed and (slightly) Depressed

I have been sitting and staring at my computer screen for nearly half an hour trying to think of something to write. I think the fact that so much time has gone by with no resulting action speaks volumes about my mental state right now...I probably look like one of the zombies from Patrick's shows...

I wanted to be cheerful when I woke up today...but somehow I never really woke up. (In fact, nearly twelve hours later I still feel like I just barely rolled out of bed.) I overslept my alarm (something of a small miracle when you think about it) and had only ten minutes to get ready and get to work. I was late. I thought cheeriness might somehow magically manifest on its own as the day took its course, but that didn't happen. I spent the morning feeling drained and depressed for no particular reason. Hormones, I guess...Until this afternoon when I did stumble across something saddening.

One of my patients today was a victim of spousal abuse. It was a long time ago, and she has since found happiness with a good man and raised a family--and just welcomed her thirteenth grandchild to the world--but she is still suffering from another's actions all these years later, and my heart went out to her. Because of the nature of some of the injuries, I was required to ask certain questions, and her answers painted an eloquent picture of inner strength and character as she listed the many reconstructive surgeries and years of therapeutic treatments she has had to undergo in order to stay as mobile as possible. I listened in silence, trying to absorb the emotion evoked by her story, not sure if I could maintain a professional demeanor for the rest of the exam...I've met several patients over the last few years who have survived, or are in the middle of tragic circumstances--it's an inevitable part of what I do--but this is the first time that I have found myself truly at a loss for words.

I don't know for sure, because I was too choked up to talk, but I like to think that the smile she gave me as she left meant that she understood that it was sympathy and not discomfort or distaste that prevented me from speaking much or trying to offer her comfort during our brief time together...

The whole incident made me think about the ups and downs in Life. I feel like I've had so many up days lately--all things considered--maybe I needed more of a mellow, down day emotionally to remind me how to be appreciative for all the good in my life. Because there is a lot of good...I'm a very lucky girl.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

So I'm starting to feel like I'm coming back from the dead. Today I was able to breathe through my nose--which is an awesome new development in my recovery process! And I think that part of why I'm starting to recover is that I've been surrounded by funny people the last couple of days.

Yesterday I was doing an impersonation of a slug on my sister's sofa while Patrick was working a long shift. Near lunch time, Lila brought it to our attention that there was no more mac-n-cheese or bread. Feeling the need to be upright for a bit, I volunteered to go to the store that's just down the street. Lila asked to go along with me, and I figured "why not?" We made quite the fetching pair in our pajamas and bed-head do's...
This is the topic of conversation she chose as we drove down to the store:

Lila: Caite? If your baby is in your belly, how do you feed her?
Me: Well, the baby has a special rope called an umbilical cord that sends her part of the food I eat. So when I eat food, she gets some too.
Lila: (Considers this in silence for a moment.) So, you gave your baby medicine for breakfast today?
Me: (chuckling) Yeah, I guess so.
Lila: Caite, that is NOT a good breakfast for babies. You should get better so she can have a good breakfast.

I agree, Lila, I agree... 

Today, I was able to function enough to go to work. It's been good. I hope that it will wear me out just enough so that I can actually sleep tonight. (Yeah. Right. I don't think I'll sleep ever again...) One of my patients today was an older, mentally handicapped gentleman. I'm not sure what he had exactly, but it seemed kind of like Tourettes Syndrome, just not as much swearing...Oh, he was a riot!...

Before he made it back to me, he had to have some lab work done. I overhead the lab tech explaining to him that he needed to pee into a cup. He responded, "Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't pee in a cup! But I'll s--t on the floor if you want me to!" I got Braxton-Hicks I was laughing so hard!

When I took him back to get changed for his x-rays, he looked at the gown I was handing to him and then turned to his helper and shouted, "Hey! She wants to get me naked! Meow!" Again, I laughed until it started to hurt. While we were in the middle of the exam he was telling me all about his plans for Halloween. (It's his favorite holiday.) At one point, he asked me what I wanted to be for Halloween this year. I told him I wasn't sure yet. He took a good long look at me and then said, "Well, you could go as a fat clown 'cause your belly is round and your nose is already red! Red like Rudolph the Reindeer!" His helper looked at me apologetically but we were both giggling....Ah, honest like a child!

I know I'm stuck with the belly for a few more months, but I sure hope the red nose goes away before then!

Fallen Off the Face of the Earth

Last Friday I got a phone call from the blog police (aka: Chrissy). It was brought to my attention that I have become woefully behind in my posts. So sorry...I don't know what happened...(Well, technically I do. But I doubt I could have prevented it at the time.) I did start a post that was nearly finished before I left work that day. I had fully intended to just pop downstairs when we got home and finish up the last few lines before publishing it--but apparently it wasn't meant to be. Let me catch you up:

(Disclaimer: I haven't edited/altered this bit to fit with the rest of this post. I just left it the way it was before I left for home. Also, please be warned that this post is horrendously long because of how much time I'm trying to make up for...)

Monday
Chrissy and the girls came up to my house intending to help me start stitching the slipcover for the baby's chair. (It's been all pinned and fitted for nearly two weeks, I just can't summon the courage to undo all the pinning...) However, we discovered after about an hour that Lila is very allergic to my cat, so we wandered around local quilting shops until it was time for my OB appointment in the afternoon. (I may have splurged on one or two items for the nursery...but in my defence, I don't know if $15 for multiple items really falls under the "splurge" category so much as the "you'd be stupid not to take advantage of this awesome deal" category. And I have to start getting everything ready for the baby while I can still move around, right? I have nightmares about bringing baby home to a room that's half painted and still stacked with storage boxes.)

Anyway, after the crafting tour, we went to the doctor's office to check up on me and the baby. I'm good. Baby's good. Everything is on track--maybe even accelerated a bit because she is measuring a little over a pound ahead of schedule. The doc told me to watch my pasta/potato/rice intake just in case...I reserve the right to silence on how well I've been able to follow that advice.

Tuesday
I was going to go back down to Chrissy's house for another sewing marathon while Patrick was at work. But about halfway there, Patrick suddenly turned very ashen and said he felt like he might vomit. So he called in sick and we went back home to have a lazy day in front of the TV when we weren't taking turns in the bathroom. I started knitting an adorable little teddy bear that just has to come to the hospital with us...y'know, when the time comes. Luckily, it seems like he just had some kind of 24 hour bug so I made chicken pot pie from scratch for dinner late that night. It was super yummy, but it was so late by the time we finished eating and I had to work in the morning that I neglected to clean up afterwards. *Sigh* So much for my clean kitchen streak...

Wednesday
I had to work a 12 hour shift. While I had a few busy spots, it was mostly slow during the day so I finished knitting the bear I had started the day before. (Now it just needs a cute little face embroidered on it and some fabric stitched inside the ears and paws.) I got a big ego boost as the bear made its way around the nursing staff during After Hours and everyone praised/marveled over it. I'm so excited to see my little one finally playing with it one day...

Thursday
Another 12 hour shift at a different clinic. It was so slow. I started to work a pair of fair isle mitts and got about halfway through the first one before I decided I didn't like the way it was knitting up. I still like the pattern, but I might have to try a different yarn or something...so I ripped it all out and spent the rest of the evening chatting with the nurses and lab techs until we were finally given permission to leave. (We had someone check in one minute before closing and ended up staying an hour late. Ick.)

Today
My last 12 hour stint this week. It was super busy today, which was mostly good because it made the day go faster--but I'm not sure my little passenger appreciated my near-frantic pace because she's been punishing me for it all afternoon by sticking her toes up between my ribs and giving me very sharp pains. We also got a free lunch from Boston's Deli today and it was delicious. I may have totally ignored the whole potatoes/pasta/rice thing from earlier in the week...

Today has also been the day of hilarious patient comments. My very favorite one was:

4 Year Old Girl in Waiting Room to me: "Hey, Lady! Do you know there's a baby in your tummy?!" (This she shouted over the reception counter when she saw me stand up to head back to the exam room. So I semi-shouted back.)
Me: "No Way!"
Her: "You do! And it makes you walk funny! My mom walked funny when she had my baby sister in her tummy!"
(At this point mom rushed up to curtail any further conversation, but gauging from the widespread snickering, I'd say we were a big hit with the waiting room crowd.)

**This is where I originally left off, and where I'll pick up the rest of the story.**

Patrick came to pick me up from work on Friday, as is our norm at the moment. The clinic isn't very far from our home so it's just a 10-15 minute drive depending on traffic...but that night it felt much longer. Just a minute or two into the drive I felt the worst cramp I've ever had in my life. It felt like it wrapped all the way around from my back, across my belly, and down my legs. I could hardly breathe or move. It lasted about 30 seconds and then started to fade. But I didn't really notice the fading of the pain because the baby suddenly started moving around. A lot. And very violently. Then a few minutes later it happened again.

I tried  to stay calm and keep an eye on the clock--just in case. I had about four of these monster cramps about 10 minutes apart over the next 40 minutes. I was in the middle of the third one when we got home and I immediately walked in the door and stripped down to get in the bath. Patrick was right behind me to keep me balanced and to help walk--at this point my legs were oddly tingly and not very steady. He drew the bath while I sat and tried to catch my breath. When I felt ready, I tried to stand up to get in the tub and felt another twinge heralding the onset of another cramp...I didn't mean to, but I must have grabbed the toilet paper holder for support, and I accidentally ripped it out of the wall. There's now a rather largish hole in our bathroom for Patch to fix. Oops.

Anyway, once I was in the water things started to mellow. The cramps were less intense and further apart and the baby settled down. I didn't think that I was having real contractions, but the fact that the pains were so regularly spaced worried me. We debated about calling the doctor or going in to be seen, but decided to wait and see how things went. After all--everything I've been reading says if the pains go away when you change position or get in a bath, etc. then you probably have nothing to worry about. So I made the command decision that I would call in the morning just to check in with my doctor and let her know. My body was totally exhausted after this, and I slept deeply and well that night--helped off to dreamland by a light massage from my husband...

Cue the alarm for the next morning. Patrick had to work a long shift, so I planned to stay at home and take it easy watching General Conference. I called my doctor's office after seeing him out the door and didn't get an answer, so I left a message. I got breakfast and settled in to be spiritually uplifted. And I was--and would have been even more so if it wasn't for this nagging thought at the back of my head that something was "off." Finally, near the end of the morning session, I realized that I hadn't really felt the baby move at all last night or this morning after the cramp marathon. Sure, she's most active at night, but I still usually feel some pretty strong and steady kicks after I eat breakfast. I called and left another message with my doctor's office and went to drink some milk and eat a few crackers then to lay down and do a kick count. I noticed one or two little flutters, but nothing like I was used to.

I started to get worried. And frustrated--because I couldn't seem to get a hold of anybody. Finally I ended up just calling our Urgent Care Nurse Hotline. It was a relief to have someone pick up. I told her what happened last night and what I was feeling this morning, and asked if she knew of another way to get a hold of Mari (my OB). She didn't, but she said she'd find out and call me back in a few minutes.

While I waited--trying to keep the worst of my "first time mom freak out" at bay--I called my sister to see if I could come down for the afternoon. Maybe being on my own was giving me too much freedom to psych myself out, I reasoned. Unfortunately, she had plans to go to a bridal shower. Such is life, but I will admit I had about five minutes of pure hysteria as my brain whirled through the possibilities of something being wrong with the baby and it being my fault because I didn't call last night like I should have, and now I was kind of stranded at home because Patrick had taken the only car with gas in it, and my doctor wasn't answering my calls...and so on. I may have sent several panicky texts to Patrick while I was at my most unstable...poor guy. Luckily I was interrupted by a phone call from the UC nurse.

She said that Mari was apparently out of town and gave me the number to talk to the on-call OB at the hospital. My stomach sank. Hospitals mean serious medical problems and serious co-pays in my mind. Both equally overwhelming prospects at the time. Nevertheless, I was about to call when my phone rang. It was my brother-in-law, Brian. He and the kids were out on a drive heading toward my area and wondered if I'd like to join them. (He was definitely an answer to my prayers!)

I took a deep calming breath and called the hospital. They have a weird operator answering service that I hadn't anticipated. So after outlining my situation, again, the operator said she would pass the info on to the doc and that I should keep my phone by me and wait for a call within the next half hour. Brian and the kids arrived and we drove around town looking at his childhood homes and schools while waiting for the doctor to call. It was a great distraction.

Finally, the doctor did call, and after asking a few more specific questions he told me I should come in to get checked, just to be on the safe side. I sent Patrick a text to let him know what was happening--he replied that he was on his way. Brian was very accommodating and chauffeured me over to the hospital. They all came inside with me while I was checking in, but because the kids weren't immediate family (and too young)  so they couldn't stay. I said goodbye and went to the room alone trying not to think the worst--and yet also afraid to hope for the best, because that would mean I just wracked up a big ol' medical bill for no reason--it was all somewhat much to take in.

Patrick arrived after they had finished asking me their gauntlet of questions, and things became much more bearable with him around. They hooked me up to the monitors first thing, and then I had to pee in a cup, and get swabbed, but luckily no other tests were needed. Everything was fine. They were even able to track down Mari by the end of everything to check what her orders were. (Stay lying down as much as possible over the weekend and call for reinforcements if I find myself facing the same kind of pace at work again.)

 The most likely scenario is that I overdid it a bit on Friday and my round ligaments ended up fighting back. The baby probably didn't move as much afterward because she was either worn out by the experience too--or it kind of rocked her into a deep sleep. I'm choosing to think the former because otherwise I would get really annoyed by the thought that she could let me worry and suffer in silence like that. (Not that she could actually communicate what's up with her at this point, but still...)

So, that brings us almost up to date. I was prepared to have a relaxing weekend, but it didn't work out as I planned. What a shock.

I woke up Sunday morning with a tickle in the back of my throat and by the end of the night--despite drinking copious amounts of fluids and resting--it had turned into a full blown head cold. I was stuffy, aching and miserable all night. I took some medicine under Patrick's careful direction--he's been very good about double checking what's safe for me to take and in what dosage--but I still spent all day yesterday in a congested haze. The one time I was out of bed longer than it took to go to the bathroom, I got totally winded and the floor started to feel like it was tilting. By about 11 pm the congestion started to move out of my sinuses and into my chest. We spent the night on the couch--well Patrick did. I tried to sleep while sitting upright in a cocoon of pillows and blankets he made for me on the floor space between each side of the couch--it offered me the most support for my aching back. I dozed a bit, but I gave up around 4 am and decided to come mess around on the computer and try to catch up on the blog instead of lying there thinking about how much it hurts to breathe.

I sure hope today goes better, or I might not be making it in to work tomorrow...