Dazed and (slightly) Depressed

I have been sitting and staring at my computer screen for nearly half an hour trying to think of something to write. I think the fact that so much time has gone by with no resulting action speaks volumes about my mental state right now...I probably look like one of the zombies from Patrick's shows...

I wanted to be cheerful when I woke up today...but somehow I never really woke up. (In fact, nearly twelve hours later I still feel like I just barely rolled out of bed.) I overslept my alarm (something of a small miracle when you think about it) and had only ten minutes to get ready and get to work. I was late. I thought cheeriness might somehow magically manifest on its own as the day took its course, but that didn't happen. I spent the morning feeling drained and depressed for no particular reason. Hormones, I guess...Until this afternoon when I did stumble across something saddening.

One of my patients today was a victim of spousal abuse. It was a long time ago, and she has since found happiness with a good man and raised a family--and just welcomed her thirteenth grandchild to the world--but she is still suffering from another's actions all these years later, and my heart went out to her. Because of the nature of some of the injuries, I was required to ask certain questions, and her answers painted an eloquent picture of inner strength and character as she listed the many reconstructive surgeries and years of therapeutic treatments she has had to undergo in order to stay as mobile as possible. I listened in silence, trying to absorb the emotion evoked by her story, not sure if I could maintain a professional demeanor for the rest of the exam...I've met several patients over the last few years who have survived, or are in the middle of tragic circumstances--it's an inevitable part of what I do--but this is the first time that I have found myself truly at a loss for words.

I don't know for sure, because I was too choked up to talk, but I like to think that the smile she gave me as she left meant that she understood that it was sympathy and not discomfort or distaste that prevented me from speaking much or trying to offer her comfort during our brief time together...

The whole incident made me think about the ups and downs in Life. I feel like I've had so many up days lately--all things considered--maybe I needed more of a mellow, down day emotionally to remind me how to be appreciative for all the good in my life. Because there is a lot of good...I'm a very lucky girl.