So, for the past two days I have been really struggling emotionally. There's no real reason for it (other than pregnancy--but that feels like a cop out when I say it), but I have felt extremely apathetic, depressed, and just plain gross. I've been moody and short-tempered--and tonight I was the lowest I have felt in a long time.
But I'm here to tell you that sometimes in life you really do come across knights-in-armor. (The more dingy and battered, the better! That way you know he's a knight who can get things done other than look good on a horse.)
I was feeling really frustrated tonight. We've been working so hard to stay within our budget this week. We've made a lot of adjustments pretty suddenly, and even though I can see how our efforts will be their own reward, the part of me that clings to my "creature comforts" has been rearing its ugly head for three days now.
You see, I feel like I've had my first real craving: bananas. Fruit of any kind helps, but the thing that really hits the spot for me right now is bananas. And we don't have any. And I had built it up in my head that we couldn't afford to go get any, because it would totally screw up the budget. And then, I started to lose it...I mean, after all, if I couldn't even go get a freaking banana, then how on this earth would I survive the kind of sacrifices we'll need to face as parents?! And nothing Patrick tried was making me feel better--not even when he gave me the best leg/foot rub I've had in five years of marriage. (How much more self-centered could I get?)
Then, in the middle of my sniveling little pity party, I found myself bundled up in warm clothes standing in the produce section with Patrick who was assembling a small collection of apples, strawberries, and--you got it--bananas. He also took me to the pharmacy aisle to pick up a "prego-approved" decongestant. (Turns out my cold didn't go away, it just moved into my chest.) He very calmly walked me back to the registers with our groceries and paid for them with money from his plasma donations. He didn't say really say anything...just squeezed my hand and smiled. And in that moment, I fell in love again.
It was just a little thing. I could and would survive without them if push came to shove. Really...all that fuss over a silly bunch of bananas!... But in that moment, those bananas meant the world to me. And I'm lucky enough to have a knight who delivers.
4 comments:
You being pregnant is not a cop out for your emotions. It's absolutely real! I hate being pregnant because I'm an emotional disaster for 9 months and then as soon as baby comes, I'm back to normal. It's the weirdest thing. I love your blog and I love that you write every day. You are hysterical! Way to go Patrick for satisfying your cravings. What a guy!
I second what Dinee said. Those emotions can be very overwhelming, and they often come out of left field as your body is awash with hormones. Don't feel like you have to explain or justify them, just try to be patient with yourself and others. They can make for some hilarious stories later on. When I was pregnant with Evie there was a commercial for a phone company that would leave me a sobbing mess every single time! That's probably why she's so overly sensitive now...
Props for craving something healthy! Maybe baby States needs some potassium!
Patrick, you are so noble for taking such good care of Caite! We like to think we can handle it all--but we shouldn't and couldn't get through it swimmingly without good husbands.What a lion heart!
Oh, Caite. I love you. Here's a key to living on a tight budget: allow yourself to break the rules every once in a grand while. Nothing in life works well in a all-or-nothing state of mind--we're human, pregnant or not (although being pregnant does complicate things quite a bit), and we do have to remember to LIVE every once in a while. It could be bananas or a Butterfinger (my love-hate health nemesis that tastes like the Celestial Kingdom)it's important to ease up just a bit, so that being so mindful and disciplined of the budget doesn't suffocate you. Love you, Caitedid!
Thank you all so much for your kind and loving comments. It's a wonderful feeling to know I have such great people in my life to help give me perspective!
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